ParentEQ

     

  

    
       
      
         
          
             
                  
             
          

          

         
      
       
    

  


      8 Tips to Calm Your Kid while Keeping Your Cool   Every parent has been there. Your kid is out of control, inconsolable, and you have no clue how to calm them. Whether your kid is 2 and mad that you cut their sandwich wrong, 12 and devastated they can’t go to a sleepover, or 17 and livid that you took their cell phone away, you feel helpless in getting them to see your perspective and  just calm down . Before you know it, you’re as upset as they are, and you find yourself in a screaming match of hurtful words and painful emotions.    So what can parents do to calm their kids and themselves? Try these 8 tips to teach everyone in your household how to calmly handle tough emotions:      1. Avoid getting physical     Resist the urge to put your hands on your kid in anger as they work through their outburst. Adding physical pain to emotional turmoil only fuels the fire. If you get too heated or if your kid hits you, walk away until you’re both able to talk without getting physical.     Feel like your kid is always defiant? Click here     2. Let “teaching moments” wait     When your kid is feeling emotionally overwhelmed, they’re not in a place to listen to your words of wisdom. Wait until after they’ve calmed down to discuss appropriate behaviors,   values  , rules, and consequences. Remind them that you love them and are here for them as they learn how new ways to deal with tough feelings.     Click here for more tips on being a high EQ parent     3. Take a visual vacay     Visualization is another great tool for releasing the mind from negative thoughts. One visualization tool that can work for all ages is called “Imagine a Rainbow.  Picture yourself walking down a beautiful path. As a storm clears. Envision a rainbow appearing and imagine yourself standing beneath it, letting. Its warm, bright light fill you with calmness. Reflect on the feelings that each color makes you think of.      Try this relaxing activity with your child. Download our free Rainbow Mandala Coloring Sheet       4. Tame your tension     When we get upset, our muscles tend to clench up. This tension does not need to be your enemy; in fact, tense-and-release exercises are a great way to calm your body down. Tell young kids to make their body rigid like a robot, then to relax their body like a floppy ragdoll. Clench your jaw, your hands, stomach, and curl your toes. Then, slowly release each muscle one at a time. Repeating these tense-and-release exercises will gradually calm your body and mind.     5. Ground yourself     We don’t mean to exile yourself to life without TV for a week; we mean to ground your focus down to your 5 senses in the present moment:        LOOK   - “I see a picture on the wall”      FEEL   – “I feel my hand resting on the chair”      LISTEN   – “I hear the A/C blowing”      SMELL   – “I smell the vanilla air freshener”       TASTE   – “I taste my orange from lunch”    Focusing on the present moment helps to relieve anxiety about the future or sorrow about the past.      6. Breathe through it     Gaining control of your breathing helps to harness negative emotions. A great way to get young kids to calm their breathing is to have them do the “flower, birthday cake” exercise. Tell them to pretend they’re smelling a beautiful flower, and then, pretend to blow out candles on a birthday cake. Older kids (and you!) can benefit from sitting cross-legged with your eyes closed, placing your hands on your belly as you inhale and exhale, and focusing on the cool air entering in and warm air releasing out.       Take a break with your child and focus your attention on belly breathing using our free Mandala Coloring Sheet       7. Calm creatively      Channeling emotions into creative projects can help to put the mind and body at ease. Kids and adults alike can use coloring, painting, or sculpting to divert distract from their minds away from overwhelming emotions and toward the colors, lines, shapes, and textures of what they’re creating. Keep creative art supplies on hand for a quick diversion when tensions start to rise.      8. Get a calming coach     There are many factors that contribute to kids having major emotional outbursts, and knowing how to respond can be tough as a parent. This can be especially hard if your child struggles with   learning differences or other disorders   that impact their emotional health. Our specialists can get to know your family’s unique challenges and give you tools to learn healthy ways to overcome them.    Dr. Christopher J. Sample, Psy.D.  specializes in supporting men and teenage boys through life’s transitions. If you are a dad who struggles with   anger  , or if your teen son is prone to outbursts, Dr. Sample can help. Dr. Sample is now accepting Aetna Insurance.         
 
	 Click here to schedule your appointment with Dr. Sample 
       Dr. Elsa Torres, Psy.D.,  is a specialist in  Diagnostic Testing and Counseling.  Dr. Torres is experienced at helping people of all ages discover the root causes of their challenges and find healthy and empowering ways to overcome them.     
 
	 Click here to schedule your appointment with  Dr. Torres 
       Dr. Marta M. Shinn, Ph.D.,  is an expert in Child and Educational psychology. If you are concerned about your child’s emotional health, Dr. Shinn can provide diagnostic testing and recommend techniques to support their emotional development..       
 
	 Click here to schedule your appointment with Dr. Shinn 
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               More about Variations Psychology   The purpose of this article is to provide an overview of the highlighted topic. For a full consultation, assessment, and personalized treatment plan, schedule an appointment  with one of our specialists.  Variations Psychology is a group practice specializing in Child and Family Psychology.  Our specialists provide therapy to infants, children, adolescents, and adults to help them overcome the many challenges they may face throughout the lifespan of a family. We also conduct diagnostic testing of child and adult conditions that may impact the family’s mental health and development (e.g. ADHD, Autism Depression, Anxiety, Learning Disorders, college entrance exams, graduate and professional licensing exams such as MCAT, LSAT, GRE, CBEST, NCLEX, GMAT, CA Cosmetology Exam, CA Contractors State Licensing Exam, and CA Bar Exam).  See our   Specialists   page to select the specialist that best suits your need, or simply give us a call and we will guide you.  Variations Psychology is located in Newport Beach, CA and provides counseling to residents throughout Orange County and its surrounding areas including Newport Beach, Newport Coast, Irvine, Shady Canyon, Laguna Beach, Laguna Hills, Coto de Caza, Corona del Mar, Costa Mesa, Yorba Linda, Dana Point, Laguna Niguel, Aliso Viejo, Mission Viejo, Pelican Hill, Crystal Cove, Rancho Santa Margarita, San Clemente, Lake Forest, Huntington Beach, Sunset Beach, Seal Beach, and more.        
  
       References:     Cognitive and Social Skills to Expect From 18 to 36 Months. (2019) ACT Raising Safe Kids Program. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/act/resources/fact-sheets/development-36-months  Shinn, M.M. (2018). Am I an Emotionally Intelligent Parent? 6 Tips for Moms & Dads to Boost their EQ.  Psychologically Speaking .  [Variations Psychology blog post].  Retrieved from  https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/am-i-an-emotionally-intelligent-parent-6-tips-for-moms-dads-to-boost-their-eq   Shinn, M.M. (2018). From Spoiled to Grateful – 9 Tips for Raising Thankful Kids.   Psychologically Speaking .  [Variations Psychology blog post].  Retrieved from  https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/from-spoiled-to-grateful-9-tips-for-raising-thankful-kids   Shinn, M.M. (2018). Operation Anger Man-agement! A Guy’s Guide to Understanding His Inner Hulk.  Psychologically Speaking . [Variations Psychology blog post].  Retrieved from  https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/operation-anger-man-agement   Shinn, M.M. (2018). Should I Get My Kid Tested?   Psychologically Speaking . [Variations Psychology blog post].  Retrieved from  https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/schools-out-should-i-get-my-kid-tested   Tantrum in the Grocery Store. (2019) ACT Raising Safe Kids Program. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/act/resources/fact-sheets/challenging-36-months  Timmer, S., Hawk, B., Lundquist, K., Forte, L., Aviv, R., Boys, D., & Urquiza, A. Coping & Relaxation Skills 1. (2016) PC-CARE: Course of Treatment Manual. Unpublished Manuscript. Retrieved from https://pcit.ucdavis.edu/wpcontent/uploads/2018/11/47_Coping_LittleKids-Aubrey-edits-8.6.18.pdf  Timmer, S., Hawk, B., Lundquist, K., Forte, L., Aviv, R., Boys, D., & Urquiza, A. Coping & Relaxation Skills 2 (2016) PC-CARE: Course of Treatment Manual. Unpublished Manuscript. Retrieved from https://pcit.ucdavis.edu/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/48_Coping_BigKids_6-9yrs-Aubreyedits.pdf  Timmer, S., Hawk, B., Lundquist, K., Forte, L., Aviv, R., Boys, D., & Urquiza, A. Coping & Relaxation Skills 3 (2016) PC-CARE: Course of Treatment Manual. Unpublished Manuscript. Retrieved from https://pcit.ucdavis.edu/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/Coping_Older-Kids_9-13yrs.pdf  Timmer, S., Hawk, B., Lundquist, K., Forte, L., Aviv, R., Boys, D., & Urquiza, A. Co- Regulation Techniques (2016) PC-CARE: Course of Treatment Manual. Unpublished Manuscript. Retrieved from https://pcit.ucdavis.edu/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/47.1_Session2-CoRegulation-Techniques.pdf  What Makes Children Angry. (2019) ACT Raising Safe Kids Program. American Psychological Association. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/act/resources/fact-sheets/children-angry    How to Cite This Blog Article:    Shinn. M.M. (2019). 8 Tips to Calm Your Kid While Keeping Your Cool.  Psychologically Speaking.  [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from: https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/8-tips-to-calm-your-kid-while-keeping-your-cool

8 Tips to Calm Your Kid while Keeping Your Cool

Every parent knows what it’s like to try to calm your kid down from a fit, only to end up enraged and screaming yourself. So how can parents calm their kids and keep their cool in the process? Check out this week’s blog to find out.

     

  

    
       
      
         
          
             
                  
             
          

          

         
      
       
    

  


      “Am I an Emotionally Intelligent Parent?” 6 Tips for Moms & Dads to Boost their EQ   Emotional intelligence (EQ) refers to one’s ability to understand, process, and manage their emotions in healthy ways. We all want children who are emotionally intelligent – kids that don’t bite your arm when they can’t get their way, teens that don’t sulk in their room instead of talking to you, or adult children that don’t quit their jobs every time a co-worker offends them. But sometimes as parents we have to take a step back and evaluate our own EQ – are we quick to yell, hit, or say things we don’t mean when we feel upset? Are there emotions that we’re ashamed to talk to our kids about?    The truth is, the best way that you can support your child’s emotional intelligence is by building up your own. So how can parents strengthen their EQ?     1. Label your feelings   The first part of emotional intelligence is being able to acknowledge and accept your emotions. You’ll be a lot more effective in working through tough feelings if you understand what you’re dealing with. Take a few moments each day to think about what feelings you are experiencing, whether they are good, bad, or somewhere in between.      2. Don’t judge yourself   Parents often judge themselves for feeling stressed, depressed, or angry. However, difficult feelings can be an opportunity to teach emotional management. When you are feeling at your wit’s end, don’t beat yourself up over it. The way you handle troubling emotions can teach your children how to manage difficult feelings in healthy ways. Acknowledging your feelings without judgement shows your children that there are no emotions that are too shameful to talk about.   Example : “I’m feeling really anxious about work today. I am going to go for a jog to help me release some stress.”   3. Consider your kid’s perspective   You probably don’t remember the first time you got a brain freeze from a popsicle, but can you imagine the horror you must have felt not knowing what that paralyzing shock was? Now that you’re an adult, you know that brain freezes, though unpleasant, are not the end of the world. Big emotions, such as anger, jealousy, pain, and grief can feel like a “first brain freeze,” to children. So the next time you’re about to “cancel Christmas if they don’t stop screaming,” remember that things that don’t feel big to you often feel like a very big deal to them.      4. Express empathy   Whether your child is expressing joy, frustration, or anything in between, show them that you understand. An emotionally intelligent parent focuses more on discussing their child’s feelings rather than criticizing their behaviors.    Example of focusing on child’s behavior:   “Stop whining about how stressed you are – you were the one who wanted to sign up for both dance and soccer.”    Example of focusing on child’s feelings (emotionally intelligent):  “I get it. It can feel overwhelming to have a big game and recital in the same week. That would make me feel stressed too. Let’s think of some ways we can help you get through this.”    5. Prioritize quality time    Parents today are pulled a million directions with tons of distractions. Driving to different activities, working, and managing a household can really put a damper on family time. Make sure to set time aside each day to talk to your children about how they are feeling, and make sure to express your feelings as well. No tv, no phones, just time to check in to show them that you care and are there to talk to.      6. Easy on the impulse    As parents, we have no patience for other people cursing, scolding, or putting their hands on our children. Yet when our kids are driving us up a wall, we tend to let these rules slide for ourselves. Tighten the reigns on your impulses by walking away for a few minutes when you’re about to lose your cool. If you feel like you’re about to snap, close your eyes and focus on taking some slow, deep breaths before you respond. Practice mindfulness exercises such as meditation or yoga to reduce stress and keep your thinking in the present.      7. Cultivate compassion   There are lots of meaningful ways that you can foster compassion in your family. Volunteer together at a soup kitchen, share responsibility for taking care of a pet, and talk about how others might feel in difficult situations.     Example : “There’s a new woman at my work. I think she might feel a little nervous about starting a new job, so I’m going to invite her to lunch to make her feel welcome.”     For more tips on increasing your child’s EQ, check out our blog on raising emotionally intelligent children     8. See a Specialist   Parenting isn’t easy, and it can be tough to manage all of your family’s needs while taking care of your own emotional health. If stress or depression is making it difficult for you to strengthen your EQ, our specialists at Variations Psychology can help.    Dr. Marta M. Shinn, Ph.D ., is a Child and Educational Psychologist. Dr. Shinn can evaluate your family’s emotional health and provide tools to strengthen emotional management and communication between parents, teens, and children.       
 
	 Click here to schedule your appointment with Dr. Marta M. Shinn  
       Dr. Christopher J. Sample, Psy.D . specializes in supporting men and teen boys through life’s transitions. Men often struggle with knowing how to express their emotions in healthy ways which can be difficult for themselves and their families. Dr. Sample provides a comfortable place for men to overcome obstacles and gain tools for leading successful and fulfilling lives.     
 
	 Click here to schedule your appointment with Dr. Sample.  
       Cynthia R. Johnson, LMFT , is a specialist in Parenting and Child Therapy at Variations Psychology. Cynthia can provide counseling, support, and effective tools to help improve your parenting EQ.   Dr. Daniella A. Davis, Psy.D ., is an expert in women's family issues. Whether it be parenting challenges, marriage problems, caregiver stress, life after divorce, depression, or anxiety, Dr. Davis supports women in growing their emotional intelligence and living empowered lives.     
 
	 Click here to schedule your appointment with Dr. Davis.  
       Subscribe to our blog for a weekly article on topics that affect your life         
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              The purpose of this article is to provide an overview of the highlighted topic. For a full consultation, assessment, and personalized treatment plan, schedule an appointment  with one of our specialists.   More about Variations Psychology   Variations Psychology is a group practice specializing in Child and Family Psychology.  Our specialists provide therapy to infants, children, adolescents, and adults to help them overcome the many challenges they may face throughout the lifespan of a family. We also conduct diagnostic testing of child and adult conditions that may impact the family’s mental health and development (e.g. ADHD, Autism Depression, Anxiety, Learning Disorders, college entrance exams).  See our   Specialists   page to select the specialist that best suits your need, or simply give us a call and we will guide you..  Variations Psychology is located in Newport Beach, CA and provides counseling to residents throughout Orange County and its surrounding areas including Newport Beach, Newport Coast, Irvine, Shady Canyon, Laguna Beach, Laguna Hills, Coto de Caza, Corona del Mar, Costa Mesa, Yorba Linda, Dana Point, Laguna Niguel, Aliso Viejo, Mission Viejo, Pelican Hill, Crystal Cove, Rancho Santa Margarita, San Clemente, Lake Forest, Huntington Beach, Sunset Beach, Seal Beach, and more.      
  
       References:   Eanes, R. (2017). Become an Emotionally Intelligent Parent.  Creative Child . Retrieved online: http://www.creativechild.com/articles/view/become-an-emotionally-intelligent-parent/1#page_title  Eldemire, A. (2016). 3 Do’s and Don’ts for Raising Emotionally Intelligent Kids.  The Gottman Relationship Blog.  The Gottman Institute. Retrieved online: https://www.gottman.com/blog/3-dos-donts-raising-emotionally-intelligent-kids/  Grose, Michael (2015). What it means to be an emotionally intelligent parent. Parentingideasclub.com.au    How to Cite This Blog Article:   Shinn, M.M. (2018). Am I an Emotionally Intelligent Parent? 6 Tips for Moms & Dads to Boost their EQ.    Psychologically Speaking .  [Variations Psychology blog post].  Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/am-i-an-emotionally-intelligent-parent-6-tips-for-moms-dads-to-boost-their-eq

“Am I an Emotionally Intelligent Parent?”
6 Tips for Moms & Dads to Boost their EQ

Even the most patient parents lost it every now and again – parenting is tough and we’re only human. But there are ways parents can boost their own emotional management. Check out this week’s blog for 8 tips on being an emotionally intelligent parent.