Psychologically Speaking

     

  

    
       
      
         
          
             
                  
             
          

          

         
      
       
    

  


      “My Kid Has a Chronic Illness – How Do I Prepare Them for School?”   Back-to-school can cause a variety of concerns for parents. Will my kid like their teacher? Will they have to deal with bullies? Will they reach their potential? But back-to-school can be particularly worrisome for parents of children with chronic illnesses. Whether your child has diabetes, asthma, seizures, heart problems, allergies, or any other condition, it can be scary to entrust your child’s health to school staff for 6+ hours a day.    So what can parents do to ensure their kid’s health is cared for at school?     1. Learn risk factors   Before considering your child’s needs, it’s important to understand the potential risk factors that chronic illness can present. Chronic illness can contribute to emotional, behavioral, and academic problems including:      Falling behind   from excessive absences      Increased   anxiety   from trying to “catch up”    Fatigue and irritability     Depression    Social isolation    Low-self esteem    Understanding these risks will help you determine the best course of action to guard against them.   2. List their needs   Start listing an inventory of needs that you believe would help your child overcome obstacles and succeed at school. Include your kid in the conversation and ask for their input. Some examples might include:    Being able to leave class without permission when symptoms arise      Accepting late work     Sitting near the door    Receiving support with making friends     Allowing rest breaks as needed    Having summer course options to reduce their school-year class load    Teacher trainings on emergency responses, such as using an EpiPen      Being allowed to complete some schoolwork at home     Regular check-ins with the school counselor     3. Request education support   Set a meeting with the school to discuss your child’s needs and to see if they qualify for   accommodations      through an Individual Education Plan (IEP) or 504 Plan. If classroom accommodations are enough for your child to succeed with the standard curriculum, then a 504 Plan may be the right tool for them. If their condition greatly impairs their learning abilities, they may need an IEP that provides a specially tailored curriculum. A Specialist in Educational Psychology can help you determine which educational resources will work best for your child.  Click below to schedule your free 15-minute consultation with  Dr. Marta M. Shinn, Specialist in Educational Psychology and Special Education Consulting     


   
     
      
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      4. Communicate consistently   Frequent communication with the school will increase the staff’s ability to stay informed of your child’s progress and respond to their challenges. Establish regular check-in meetings to keep the faculty and your family on the same page. Build relationships with teachers, administrators, and the school nurse, so everyone is aware of your child’s unique needs.   5. Support self-management   Prior to your child starting school, you may have done the heavy lifting in tending to their medical needs. Running for the steroid cream each time a hive pops up, grabbing their inhaler when they start to get winded, or calling friends to cancel plans when they look a little pale. Encourage your kid to start taking   responsibility     for their own care before they start school. Teach them how to recognize their symptoms before they get out of hand, administer self-care, and express their needs to teachers.   6. Calculate come-backs   Depending on your child’s condition, they may have medical supplies, such as ostomy bags or glucose meters, that other kids might be curious about. Hopefully your kid won’t be faced with   bullying  ,     but it can be helpful to have them rehearse a few comebacks in case of peers being rude or annoying.    Examples:   “Ew, look at her pricking her finger – what are you, a vampire?”  “Yes actually, but don’t worry – you’re not my type. I’m only into B+.”   “It’s not fair - why do you get to leave class all the time?”  “Because I’m Batman. The world isn’t going to save itself.”    7. Inspire motivation   Chronic pain and symptoms can make it challenging for your kid to focus on schoolwork. Frequently remind your child to think about their goals to help them stay motivated. Ask them about their passions, have them create vision boards, and tell them stories of celebrities who achieved success despite chronic illness, such as Sarah Hyland who has kidney dysplasia, Nick Jonas who has diabetes, or Selena Gomez who has lupus.    Check out our blog on    fostering passion & persistence    in your kid       8. Help them connect   Help your child think through obstacles that hold them back from extracurriculars and time with friends. If their symptoms prevent them from playing football, could they   work   in the ticket booth or concession stand? If they’re too tired to go to afternoon band practice, are there clubs that meet during lunch? If they have to miss school often, can they Facetime their besties after school hours? Helping them maintain connections with peers will reduce their risks for depression and low self-esteem.   9. Consult a Specialist   Taking a chronic illness to school can be tough on both students and their families. Fortunately, your family doesn’t have to face this alone. Our specialists are experienced in helping students overcome obstacles, achieve their potential, and ensure a supportive school environment.        
	 Click here to find a specialist who can help 
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              The purpose of this article is to provide an overview of the highlighted topic. For a full consultation, assessment, and personalized treatment plan, schedule an appointment  with one of our specialists.   More about Variations Psychology   Variations Psychology is a group practice specializing in Child and Family Psychology.  Our specialists provide therapy to infants, children, adolescents, and adults to help them overcome the many challenges they may face throughout the lifespan of a family. We also conduct diagnostic testing of child and adult conditions that may impact the family’s mental health and development (e.g. ADHD, Autism Depression, Anxiety, Learning Disorders, college entrance exams, graduate and professional licensing exams such as MCAT, LSAT, GRE, CBEST, NCLEX, GMAT, CA Cosmetology Exam, CA Contractors State Licensing Exam, and CA Bar Exam).  See our   Specialists   page to select the specialist that best suits your need, or simply give us a call and we will guide you..  Variations Psychology is located in Newport Beach, CA and provides counseling to residents throughout Orange County and its surrounding areas including Newport Beach, Newport Coast, Irvine, Shady Canyon, Laguna Beach, Laguna Hills, Coto de Caza, Corona del Mar, Costa Mesa, Yorba Linda, Dana Point, Laguna Niguel, Aliso Viejo, Mission Viejo, Pelican Hill, Crystal Cove, Rancho Santa Margarita, San Clemente, Lake Forest, Huntington Beach, Sunset Beach, Seal Beach, and more.      
  
       References:   Ball, M.F., Bayliss, D.M., Glauert, R., Harrison, A., Ohan, J.L. (2016). Chronic Illness and Developmental Vulnerability at School Entry.  Pediatrics , 137, 5. Retrieved from https://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/pediatrics/137/5/e20152475.full.pdf  Chronic Health Conditions (Students with): The Role of the School Nurse (n.d.).  National Association of School Nurses.  Retrieved from https://www.nasn.org/nasn/advocacy/professional-practice-documents/position-statements/ps-chronic-health  My Child Has a Chronic Illness. What Do I Need to Tell the School? (2014).  American Academy of Pediatrics.  Retrieved from https://www.healthychildren.org/English/health-issues/conditions/chronic/Pages/Chronic-Conditions-and-School.aspx  Schulman-Green, D., Jaser, S., Martin, F., Alonzo, A., Grey, M., McCorkle, R., … Whittemore, R. (2012). Processes of self-management in chronic illness.  Journal of nursing scholarship : an official publication of Sigma Theta Tau International Honor Society of Nursing ,  44 (2), 136–144. doi:10.1111/j.1547-5069.2012.01444.x  Shinn. M.M. (2018). 6 Tips to Prepare for Your Teen’s Independence.  Psychologically Speaking.  [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from  https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/6-tips-to-prepare-for-your-teens-independence   Shinn. M.M. (2019). 10 Tricks for Talking Back and Keeping Safe with Bullies.  Psychologically Speaking.  [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from  https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/10-tricks-for-talking-back-and-keeping-safe-from-bullies    Shinn. M.M. (2018). Does My Child Need Accommodations on the SAT/ACT?  Psychologically Speaking.  [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from  https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/does-my-child-need-accommodations-for-the-sat-act   Shinn. M.M. (2018). Life Success – Is It About Persistence or Following Your Passion?  Psychologically Speaking.  [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from  https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/life-success-is-it-about-persistence-or-following-your-passion   Shinn. M.M. (2019). My Kid Might Be Held Back a Grade – What Do I Do?!  Psychologically Speaking.  [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from  https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/my-kid-might-be-held-back-a-grade-what-do-i-do    Shinn. M.M. (2018). Take the Stress Out of Tests! 11 Ways to Manage Test Anxiety.  Psychologically Speaking.  [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from  https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/take-the-stress-out-of-tests-11-ways-to-manage-test-anxiety   Shinn. M.M. (2018). Should I Let My Teen Get a Job? 10 Things Parents Should Know.  Psychologically Speaking.  [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from  https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/should-i-let-my-teen-get-a-job-10-things-parents-should-know    When a Kid Has Long-Term Illness: How to Deal with School (2010).  Education.com.  Retrieved from https://www.education.com/magazine/article/Chronic-illness-schools/   How to Cite This Blog Article:   Shinn. M.M. (2019). Taking Chronic Illness to School: 9 Tips to Stay Safe & Healthy.  Psychologically Speaking.  [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/test-blog/my-kid-has-a-chronic-illness-how-do-i-prepare-them-for-school

“My Kid Has a Chronic Illness – How Do I Prepare Them for School?”

From asthma to diabetes and epilepsy to cancer, 1 in 4 children go to school each year with a chronic illness. If your kid has a chronic illness, check out this week’s blog for 9 tips to ensure their health and success as they go back to school.

     

  

    
       
      
         
          
             
                  
             
          

          

         
      
       
    

  


      “Is My Teen Addicted to Video Games?” How to Know and What to Do About It   Since their debut in the early 1970’s, video games have been an iconic form of entertainment. While most people can enjoy gaming as an occasional diversion, a growing number of youth seem to be pushing aside family, friends, and activities to spend more time in front of computer screens. Nicknamed “digital heroin,” video game addiction is a growing concern and has been classified as a mental health disorder by The World Health Organization.   So how do parents know if their child’s fantasy world is starting to take over their real life?     Warning signs of gaming addiction     Gaming 4+ hours a day      Playing for increasing amounts of time    Thinking or talking about gaming during other activities    Quitting other hobbies    Lying to friends or family to conceal gaming    Alienating themselves from family, friends, or romantic interests    Becoming irritable or miserable when they can’t play video games    Neglecting daily responsibilities    Declining academic performance    Showing physical symptoms including dry eyes, carpel tunnel, weight loss or gain, headaches, or back and neck problems    Ignoring personal hygiene    Depression, anxiety, or social phobias     So what can a parent do about it?    If you are concerned your child or teen may have a gaming problem, try these tips:     1. Start a log   Before you talk to your child about your concerns, start documenting their behaviors in a log. Write down how many hours a day you notice them gaming. Also, write down negative consequences you are noticing, such as them skipping out on soccer practice or avoiding family meals. Also, record how they react when they have to stop gaming.   2. Communicate with love   When you talk to your child about your concerns, do so from a place of patience and love. In many cases, children use gaming as a form of relief from feelings of sadness or worry, so being stern or critical may only worsen their negative self-image. Talk to them about their good qualities and the things you love about them – share your log with them and express that you are concerned that their gaming is getting in the way of them living their best life.   3. Organize a detox   Like with any other type of addiction, complete abstinence is necessary for success. This can be a bit tricky since computers are so prevalent in our society, so your child will need to adjust to using computers without gaming. Set boundaries and rules regarding computer use, such as only allowing them to use it for school projects during certain times of day. Remove game consoles, block gaming websites, and keep the computer in a highly visible area in the house for easy monitoring.   4. Prepare to be patient   As your child is detoxing, they may be irritable, mopey, or just downright mean. When they are on your last nerve, walk away and focus on your breathing for a few minutes. Not only will this help you keep your cool, it will model healthy emotional regulation to your child, as opposed to burying emotions with gaming.   5. Make Reality More Exciting   You may think your kid is only interested in high speed pursuits or battling mythical creatures, but the truth is that real life experiences will be much more rewarding to them than any video game could ever be. Get the whole family involved in more physical activities – hikes, backyard baseball, or activities with other families. If they are old enough, encourage them to get a part-time job to boost their self-worth. Activities, hobbies, and responsibilities can both boost their mood and distract them from the lure of gaming.   6. Use a reward system   It can be hard for gamers to see why their addiction is a bad thing. A reward system can incentivize them to stick with their detox, even if they don’t fully agree with it. Try using a points system by giving them “10 points” for every day they go without gaming and have them lose 20 points each day that they cave in and play video games. Let them know that when they reach 1000 points, they get to go to an amusement park, have a sleepover party, or some other fun activity.   7. Seek support   Addictions of all types are complex and challenging to overcome, but there is hope. A qualified specialist can help your child address underlying mental health issues that may have led to their addiction. They can teach self-control techniques and tools to help your child find happiness and self-esteem away from the computer screen.       
	 Click here to find a specialist who can help 
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              The purpose of this article is to provide an overview of the highlighted topic. For a full consultation, assessment, and personalized treatment plan, schedule an appointment with one of our specialists.   More about Variations Psychology   Variations Psychology is a group practice specializing in Child and Family Psychology.  Our specialists provide therapy to infants, children, adolescents, and adults to help them overcome the many challenges they may face throughout the lifespan of a family. We also conduct diagnostic testing of child and adult conditions that may impact the family’s mental health and development (e.g. ADHD, Autism, Depression, Anxiety, Learning Disorders, college entrance exams).  See our   Specialists   page to select the specialist that best suits your need, or simply give us a call and we will guide you.  Variations Psychology is located in Newport Beach, CA and provides counseling to residents throughout Orange County and its surrounding areas including Newport Beach, Newport Coast, Irvine, Shady Canyon, Laguna Beach, Laguna Hills, Coto de Caza, Corona del Mar, Costa Mesa, Yorba Linda, Dana Point, Laguna Niguel, Aliso Viejo, Mission Viejo, Pelican Hill, Crystal Cove, Rancho Santa Margarita, San Clemente, Lake Forest, Huntington Beach, Sunset Beach, Seal Beach, and more.      
  
       References   Online Article: Video Game Addiction No fun - Reviewed by Louise Chang, MD    	Keith Bakker, certified interventionist; and director, Smith &   Jones Addiction Consultants. Kimberly Young, PsyD, clinical director, Center   for On-Line Addiction; professor of psychology, St. Bonaventure University;   and author,     Caught in the Net: How to Recognize the Signs of Internet   Addiction -- and a Winning Strategy for Recovery. WebMD Feature:     Internet to Sex: Defining Addiction. Howard, project manager, Ft. Lauderdale, Fla.,   Center for On-Line Addiction: "Are You an Obsessive Online Gamer?" and   "Frequently Asked Questions About Internet Addiction."

“Is My Teen Addicted to Video Games?” How to Know and What to Do About It

Most people can enjoy video games as an occasional hobby, but what happens when the fantasy world starts to become more appealing than reality? Check out this week’s blog to learn how to identify and prevent video game addiction in children and teens.

     

  

    
       
      
         
          
             
                  
             
          

          

         
      
       
    

  


      “How Do I Keep My Kids Entertained All Summer?”   Ahhh summer… the freedom, the sunshine, the world of opportunity. The kids look forward to it all year.   Notice we said “the kids.”   Parents on the other hand, tend to be a little wary of the school-free season. While all parents love spending time with their children, summer means 3 whole months without the time consumption and mental stimulation that school provides. It means having to come up with activities for the kids yourself, which often translates to spending a lot more money. If both parents work, it can also mean having to find reliable child care and camps that aren’t exactly in the budget. So what’s a parent to do?   First of all – relax! That’s what summer is for   Many parents go into summer concerned that their child will be bored out of their minds. Research suggests, however, that constructive boredom is not only healthy, but essential for a child to develop their creativity, discover their personal identity, and explore ways to foster their own mental stimulation. If parents are always doing the heavy lifting in filling their child’s time, their child gets robbed of the opportunity to contemplate their own thoughts and interests and explore new ideas.   Here are 9 tips for giving your child a fun and stimulating summer, without scheduling every second:    1. Brainstorm beforehand   Foster your child’s creativity by having them make a list of things they would like to do over the summer. While they may choose a few unrealistic items such as riding a dragon or traveling to Hong Kong, their list will probably include many attainable goals such as going on hikes, having a picnic, or running through the sprinklers. When they complain of boredom over the summer, tell them to revisit their list for ideas to fill their time.   2. Structure Unstructure   By now most of us have heard of the damage that excessive screen time can pose to children. Too much TV or video game consumption can contribute to obesity, low self-esteem, social disorders, and decreased academic performance. When your kids are home all summer, it’s easy to let them binge watch cartoons when you need them out of your hair so you can clean the house or pay the bills. Remind yourself to limit screen time by establishing a few hours every day that will be used for “unstructured play.” Let the kids know that after lunch, they’re on their own until 3 PM – no gadgets allowed!   3. Let them make a mess   This tends to be a tough one for many moms, and it’s understandable. Keeping a halfway clean home takes daily diligence, and having kids can feel like there are tiny tornadoes spinning around behind you every time you tidy up. In the summer, try to stretch your patience toward the mess-making. You can set boundaries, like limiting messy projects to the tiled kitchen and away from your off-white rug, but let them do some experimental baking, indulge in some glue-heavy art projects, or create a mad scientist’s laboratory. Giving them the freedom to make messes will encourage innovative ideas.   4. Make summer about self-reliance   Since the 1960’s, American schools have shifted away from teaching basic life skills to focusing almost exclusively on academics. The additional time with your kids in the summer is a great opportunity to teach them what they aren’t getting in the classroom. Have them plan and prepare meals with you, teach them how to do laundry, have them create a savings plan for the new gadget they’ve been wanting, or teach them how to safely refuel a vehicle at the gas station. Summer is a perfect time to foster your child’s sense of self-reliance.   5. Commit to learning a new skill   A wonderful aspect of summer is that it gives kids time to pursue ideas and activities that they feel inspired to chase. As the school year comes to an end, ask your child to pick one new thing they want to learn over the summer. Even if they say something like, “Kung Fu,” you don’t need to invest in expensive lessons. Watch online tutorials a few times a week to empower them with some basic skills. Letting your child take the lead in what they pursue will excite them about learning and help their brain to “decompress” from the constant frontal lobe focus during the academic year. Don’t forget to choose something for you to learn over the summer as well! This will model creativity, persistence, and the importance of life-long learning.   6. Reduce the dreaded “brain-drain”   Many parents fear that summer will drain their child’s brain of everything they learned the prior school year and make it difficult for them to adjust in the fall. While a small regression is not the end of the world, it can be helpful to maintain some academic activity over the summer. Buy a grade level workbook for them or invest in some occasional tutoring in a subject they’ve struggled with. Just be conscious not to burden them with too many textbook obligations over the summer – they have the school year for that! Remember that there are academic benefits to recreational activities as well. Swimming, for example, is not only a fun total body workout but also a science in understanding the different ways our bodies are able to stay afloat.   7. No cost, no screens, no problem!   It can feel like there aren’t many options for summer fun that don’t break the bank. While there’s nothing wrong with splurging on an occasional trip to the zoo or amusement park, don’t feel guilty if most of your summer days are a bit simpler. Encourage your child to use their imagination by turning their favorite book into a play, making a “pretend” carnival in the backyard with a ticket booth and concession stand, or take on a family project like planting a garden or repainting a fence.   8. Find ways to help others   Today’s children are tomorrow’s leaders, and summertime is a great opportunity to engage your children in looking outside of themselves and into the community. Look into different volunteer opportunities – drive meals to seniors as a family, bring care packages to terminally ill children in the hospital, or join a pen-pal program with orphans in third world countries. Volunteer activities will foster compassion in your child and add meaningful memories to summer that go beyond having fun.   9. Join the fun   During the school year, parents don’t get to participate in many of the fun and explorative activities their kids experience in school. Take advantage of this time by making sure to set time every day to act like a kid. Squeeze into that blanket fort, believe that the floor really is lava, and give an Oscar worthy performance as the villain in their puppet show. The memories you will share with your children will be worth far more than anything money can buy.   Variations can help   If you would like additional support in learning ways to stimulate your child’s mind and foster their creativity, Variations can help.       
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              The purpose of this article is to provide an overview of the highlighted topic. For a full consultation, assessment, and personalized treatment plan, schedule an appointment  with one of our specialists.   More about Variations Psychology   Variations Psychology is a group practice specializing in Child and Family Psychology.  Our specialists provide therapy to infants, children, adolescents, and adults to help them overcome the many challenges they may face throughout the lifespan of a family. We also conduct diagnostic testing of child and adult conditions that may impact the family’s mental health and development (e.g. ADHD, Autism, Depression, Anxiety, Learning Disorders, college entrance exams).   See our   Specialists   page to select the specialist that best suits your need, or simply give us a call and we will guide you.  Variations Psychology is located in Newport Beach, CA and provides counseling to residents throughout Orange County and its surrounding areas including Newport Beach, Newport Coast, Irvine, Shady Canyon, Laguna Beach, Laguna Hills, Coto de Caza, Corona del Mar, Costa Mesa, Yorba Linda, Dana Point, Laguna Niguel, Aliso Viejo, Mission Viejo, Pelican Hill, Crystal Cove, Rancho Santa Margarita, San Clemente, Lake Forest, Huntington Beach, Sunset Beach, Seal Beach, and more.      
  
       References   Biddle SJH, Asare M Physical activity and mental health in children and adolescents: a review of reviews  British Journal of Sports Medicine  Published Online First: 01 August 2011. doi: 10.1136/bjsports-2011-090185   Gasper, K. & Middlewood, B.L. (2013) Approaching novel thoughts: Understanding why elation and boredom promote associative thought more than distress and relaxation. Department of Psychology, The Pennsylvania State University, USA   The Benefits of Boredom. Melboune Child Psychology. Retrieved Online. https://www.melbournechildpsychology.com.au/blog/the-benefits-of-boredom/  Tremblay, M.S., LeBlanc, A.G., Kho, M.E., Saunders, T.J., Larouche, R., Colley, R.C., Goldfield, G., Gorber, S.C. Systematic review of sedentary behaviour and health indicators in school-aged children and youth (2011) International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity 20118:98 https://doi.org/10.1186/1479-5868-8-98   Wahi G, Parkin PC, Beyene J, Uleryk EM, Birken CS. Effectiveness of Interventions Aimed at Reducing Screen Time in ChildrenA Systematic Review and Meta-analysis of Randomized Controlled Trials.  Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med.  2011;165(11):979–986. doi:10.1001/archpediatrics.2011.122

“How Do I Keep My Kids Entertained All Summer?”

“I just love entertaining my kids for every second of summer!” – Said no parent ever. If you’re a mom or dad trying to figure out how you’ll keep your kid engaged over the summer, check out this week’s blog on 9 Easy Tips for a Stimulating Summer.”

     

  

    
       
      
         
          
             
                  
             
          

          

         
      
       
    

  


      5 Tips for Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children   From the time a baby is born until they establish themselves as adults, most parents are at least a little concerned with how intelligent their child will be. They may get a little worried if their best friend’s kid started talking earlier or if their teen didn’t make the honor roll.     But what about the type of intelligence that doesn’t impact a kid’s ability to solve math equations or memorize state capitols?    We’re talking about emotional intelligence, and though it might not get quite as much “air time” among parents’ concerns, we’re here to convince you that it’s just as important to your child’s future as their academic performance.   What is emotional intelligence?   Emotional intelligence (EQ) is our ability to identify and manage the emotions of ourselves and others. EQ refers to the way that we perceive, process, regulate, and use emotional information.   For example, if your child has high EQ, they might manage a conflict with a friend in the following manner:    Emotional Perception  – “I’ve noticed that Hailey has been ignoring me at recess so I think she might be mad at me.”  Emotional Process  – “I’m feeling lonely and hurt because Hailey is ignoring me, but I’m not going to let it ruin my day. I have lots of people that care about me and I’m sure I’ll get through this.”  Emotional Regulation  – “I think I’ll ask Hailey about why she’s angry at me, but first I’m going to take a walk to calm down and think about what I should say.”  Emotional Utilization  – “Now that I’m feeling calm, I’m going to ask Hailey if she’s angry with me and talk to her about how we can work it out.”     How EQ impacts your child’s life   A person’s EQ guides their behaviors and impacts their career, relationships, and overall well-being. While IQ may be a good indicator of your child’s academic potential, it won’t necessarily help them relate to others or manage challenges. Some argue that EQ is more important to success than IQ, as EQ has shown to have stronger influence on stress management, team cohesiveness, and job performance than technical knowledge.   Why is EQ so critical?   Studies have shown that American children have steadily declined in emotional intelligence over the past several decades. A growing number of kids are struggling with anxiety, impulsivity, disobedience, anger, loneliness, and depression. An unfortunate reflection of this trend is also seen in the growing prevalence of school violence since the 1990’s. To address this alarming concern, it’s important that parents and educators understand how to cultivate emotional intelligence in children.   How can I raise an emotionally intelligent child?    Just as there are academic prodigies who seemed to master calculus from within the womb, there are kids who naturally have a higher EQ than others. Whether a child is “emotionally gifted” or not, studies have shown that emotional intelligence can be taught and increased in children.   Here are 5 tips for raising an emotionally intelligent child:     1. Be an emotional "label maker"   Emotionally intelligent people understand and accept their emotions as they experience them. This insight allows them to identify what they are feeling and understand that their emotions are temporary. Big emotions can feel very overwhelming to little people, so help your child understand their feelings by “labeling” them as they come up. This will help them realize that their feelings are a normal part of life that can be worked through.   Example: “You’re feeling angry because it’s your brother’s turn to pick the movie we watch. Everyone feels angry sometimes, and it’s ok to feel that way.”    2. Become an "empathy" model   While you may not be a fitness or swimsuit model, parenting gives you a chance to model your best body part – your heart! Modeling empathy, especially when you don’t agree with your child, is an effective way to show them how to acknowledge the perspectives of others even when they don’t see eye to eye. Empathizing does not mean you have to let your parental boundaries cave in, it simply means you validate their feelings while sticking to your rules.   Example: “I understand that it’s hard for you to stop playing and come inside, but it’s time for dinner.”    3. Encourage expression   When your child starts the dreaded “whine-talk” or temper tantrum, it can be tempting to plug your ears and send them to their room. Unfortunately, this tells your child that expressing negative emotions is unacceptable, causing them to repress their feelings rather than learning how to managing them. When your child gets upset, encourage them to use calm words to explain how they are feeling. Try to stop viewing negative emotions as harmful – instead, view them as a teaching opportunity to show your child how to express emotions in a calm, healthy way.   Example: “It looks like you’re feeling sad because your sister was leaving you out of the game. It’s ok to be sad, but it’s never ok to hit. Use calm words to tell your sister how you are feeling.”    4. Increase their interactions   Children of previous generations spent a lot more time playing with other children – a behavior that naturally cultivates EQ. Today’s kids tend to spend a lot of time indoors, limiting their emotional interactions. Limit screen time and allow your child to have plenty of unstructured social time with peers. Take the time to actively talk and listen to them without distractions. Even if your child is yelling at you to go away, a child’s rage and sadness often can’t dissipate until they feel heard and understood. Put your phone away, let the laundry wait, and tell your child you want to listen.   Example: “I know you said you’re angry and that you want to be alone, but I just want you to know that I’m here and I want to listen.    5. Empower problem solving   Your child’s homework will almost always revolve around solving academic problems – things like figuring out which train will reach its destination faster or determining how to make an egg survive being thrown off a building. Emotional conundrums might not be in their weekly homework packet, but they deserve just as much attention. When your child is upset or disappointed, encourage them by offering to help them brainstorm ideas to overcome their difficult emotions.   Example: “It looks like you’re feeling frustrated because your friend hurt your feelings. When you’re feeling calm, let’s think of things you can say to help her understand how you feel.”    Variations can help   Emotional intelligence is a critical aspect in your child’s development, social relationships, mental health, and life-long success. If you are concerned about your child’s EQ development or just want to learn more ways to support their emotional growth, Variations Psychology can help.         
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              The purpose of this article is to provide an overview of the highlighted topic. For a full consultation, assessment, and personalized treatment plan, schedule an appointment with one of our specialists.    More about Variations Psychology   Variations Psychology is a group practice specializing in Child and Family Psychology.  Our specialists provide therapy to infants, children, adolescents, and adults to help them overcome the many challenges they may face throughout the lifespan of a family. We also conduct diagnostic testing of child and adult conditions that may impact the family’s mental health and development (e.g. ADHD, Autism, Depression, Anxiety, Learning Disorders, college entrance exams). See our   Specialists   page to select the specialist that best suits your need, or simply give us a call and we will guide you.  Variations Psychology is located in Newport Beach, CA and provides counseling to residents throughout Orange County and its surrounding areas including Newport Beach, Newport Coast, Irvine, Shady Canyon, Laguna Beach, Laguna Hills, Coto de Caza, Corona del Mar, Costa Mesa, Yorba Linda, Dana Point, Laguna Niguel, Aliso Viejo, Mission Viejo, Pelican Hill, Crystal Cove, Rancho Santa Margarita, San Clemente, Lake Forest, Huntington Beach, Sunset Beach, Seal Beach, and more.      
    
         REFERENCES   Bar-On, R., Maree, J.G., & Elias, M.J. (2007)  Educating People To Be Emotionally Intelligent.  Heinemann Publishers.   Gottman, J. (1997)  Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child . Simon & Schuster.  Mikolajczak, Moïra et al.  The moderating impact of emotional intelligence on free cortisol responses to stress Psychoneuroendocrinology , Volume 32 , Issue 8 , 1000 - 1012     Laura Thi Lam & Susan L. Kirby (2010) Is Emotional Intelligence an Advantage? An Exploration of the Impact of Emotional and General Intelligence on Individual Performance, The Journal of Social Psychology, 142:1, 133-143,DOI: 10.1080/00224540209603891   How to Cite This Blog Article:   Shinn, M.M. (2018). 5 Tips for Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children.   Psychologically Speaking .   [Variations Psychology blog post].  Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/tips-for-raising-emotionally-intelligent-children

5 Tips for Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children

From the time a baby is born until they establish themselves as adults, most parents are at least a little concerned with how intelligent their child will be. They may get a little worried if their best friend’s kid started talking earlier or if their teen didn’t make the honor roll.  

     

  

    
       
      
         
          
             
                  
             
          

          

         
      
       
    

  


      “How do I prepare my child for a new sibling?”   Welcoming a new baby is both exciting and nerve-wracking. Where will we put the nursery? What will we do about childcare? And how on earth will we prepare our older kids for a new baby?! The thought of adjusting your child to a new sibling can be worrisome, as many kids struggle with the idea of their parents’ love and attention being shared with another person.    So how can parents prepare their kid for a new sibling?     1. Postpone major changes   Adjusting to a new sibling is a major change, so try not to make any other big changes around the time of the baby’s birth. If you need to move your kid to a different bedroom to make way for the nursery, do it well before the baby is born to give them time to adjust. If you planned on potty training soon, consider waiting until the baby is a few months old. Also, know that it’s common for older kids to regress when a new baby arrives by going back to   wetting the bed   or wanting a bottle. This is their way of expressing that they still need you.   2. Get them involved   Involve your child in preparing for the new baby’s arrival. This will make them feel included in your family’s change and help to build excitement for the new addition. Let them help you decorate the nursery and take them shopping for bottles and onesies. Ask them their opinions on baby names and bring them to appointments so they can hear the baby’s heartbeat. When your baby is born, give them jobs to do, such as feeding or singing lullabies. Just don’t overdo it – let them lead on how much responsibility they’d like to take.   3. Manage expectations   Read your child books about babies. Show them their newborn photos or baby book and tell them stories about their infant phase. Ask them about their dreams for things to do with their new sibling – teaching them how to play baseball, walking them in a stroller, reading to them, etc. Encourage their ideas but also let them know that the baby will not be an instant playmate. Share that in the beginning, babies mostly eat, sleep, and poop, but in due time they will be an eager playmate to share adventures with their big brother or sister.   4. Explain the delivery game plan   Explain to your child how they’ll be cared for while you are in the hospital. Let them know who will be picking them up, where they’ll be staying, and when they’ll be able visit you and the new baby. Get them excited about having a few sleepovers at their friend’s or grandparents’ house while mom and dad are away.   5. Amp up attention   It’s important to give your older child lots of attention as they adjust to the adorable new sheriff in town. Hang a photo of your older child by your hospital bed so they see that they’re always on your mind. Make sure to shower them with lots of praise and remind visitors to give them attention when they come to meet the new baby. Make time for one-on-one bonding with your older child, such as   playing with them  ,     going to a park, or watching a movie together.   6. Give a gift from the baby   One way to ensure the new baby is on your firstborn’s good side is to buy a gift for them that’s “from” the baby. Even if your kid is a little older and realizes a newborn can’t order toys on line, they’ll associate this new, awesome gift as a reminder that the baby is a not a threat to their needs.   7. Acknowledge their feelings   If your kid expresses fear, anger, sadness, or jealousy about gaining a sibling, listen and let them know you understand. Never criticize them for having negative feelings – instead, help them label their emotions and talk about   healthy ways to deal with them   .  Let them know it’s ok to feel upset, but it’s never ok to hurt the baby. Give them a few ideas for   how to vent their frustrations  , such as roaring like a lion or drawing an angry picture.   8. Reassure your love   Your child may be scared that you’re trying to replace them by having a new baby. Let them know that the reason you’re having a baby is to give them a sibling that they will be friends with forever. Remind them that you have enough love for both of them to have an endless supply. Schedule alone time that is just for you to give your older child undivided attention. A great time for this is when baby is sleeping and can’t interrupt. Use this time to cuddle, play, or make your child’s favorite food together.   9. Know when to get help   Some children have an especially difficult time adjusting to the arrival of a new sibling. If your child is distressed or   acting out  , we can help.   SPECIALISTS:    Dr. Marta M. Shinn, Ph.D.,  is an expert in Child and Educational Psychology. If you are concerned that your child is struggling to adjust to a new sibling, Dr. Shinn can recommend support.       


   
     
      
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      Dr. Elsa Torres, Psy.D.  is a specialist in counseling. If you are concerned about how a new baby will impact your children, Dr. Torres can support you with effective tools to overcome challenges and strengthen your family bond.       
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       Dr. Weir, Psy.D.,  is an expert in Infant and Toddler Psychology. If you’re worried that your toddler is distressed by the arrival of a new sibling, Dr. Weir can provide an evaluation.      


   
     
      
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              The purpose of this article is to provide an overview of the highlighted topic. For a full consultation, assessment, and personalized treatment plan, schedule an appointment  with one of our specialists.   More about Variations Psychology   Variations Psychology is a group practice specializing in Child and Family Psychology.  Our specialists provide therapy to infants, children, adolescents, and adults to help them overcome the many challenges they may face throughout the lifespan of a family. We also conduct diagnostic testing of child and adult conditions that may impact the family’s mental health and development (e.g. ADHD, Autism Depression, Anxiety, Learning Disorders, college entrance exams, graduate and professional licensing exams such as MCAT, LSAT, GRE, CBEST, NCLEX, GMAT, CA Cosmetology Exam, CA Contractors State Licensing Exam, and CA Bar Exam).  See our   Specialists   page to select the specialist that best suits your need, or simply give us a call and we will guide you..  Variations Psychology is located in Newport Beach, CA and provides counseling to residents throughout Orange County and its surrounding areas including Newport Beach, Newport Coast, Irvine, Shady Canyon, Laguna Beach, Laguna Hills, Coto de Caza, Corona del Mar, Costa Mesa, Yorba Linda, Dana Point, Laguna Niguel, Aliso Viejo, Mission Viejo, Pelican Hill, Crystal Cove, Rancho Santa Margarita, San Clemente, Lake Forest, Huntington Beach, Sunset Beach, Seal Beach, and more.      
  
       References:   Laule, S. (2017). New Baby Sibling . University of Michigan. C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital. Michigan Medicine.  Retrieved from https://www.mottchildren.org/posts/your-child/new-baby-sibling  Gary, J. (n.d.) Preparing Your Child for a New Sibling.  Child Mind Institute . Retrieved from https://childmind.org/article/preparing-child-new-sibling/  Preparing Children for the Birth of a Sibling. (n.d.)  Melbourne Child Psychology & School Psychology Services, Port Melbourne.  Retrieved from https://www.melbournechildpsychology.com.au/blog/preparing-children-for-the-birth-of-a-sibling/  Shinn. M.M. (2018). 5 Tips for Raising Emotionally Intelligent Children.  Psychologically Speaking.  [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from  https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/5-tips-for-raising-emotionally-intelligent-children     Shinn. M.M. (2019). 8 Tips to Calm Your Kid While Keeping Your Cool.  Psychologically Speaking.  [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from  https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/8-tips-to-calm-your-kid-while-keeping-your-cool   Shinn. M.M. (2019). My Kid is So Defiant – Is It My Fault?  Psychologically Speaking.  [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from  https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/my-kid-is-so-defiant-is-it-my-fault     Shinn. M.M. (2018). My Kid Still Wets the Bed – What Should I Do?  Psychologically Speaking.  [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from  https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/my-kid-still-wets-the-bed-what-should-i-do   Shinn. M.M. (2018). The Parents Guide to Play: 9 Tips to Ignite Your Child’s Learning.  Psychologically Speaking.  [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from  https://www.variationspsychology.com/blogs/the-parents-guide-to-play-9-tips-to-ignite-your-childs-learning     Volling B. L. (2012). Family transitions following the birth of a sibling: an empirical review of changes in the firstborn's adjustment.  Psychological bulletin ,  138 (3), 497–528. doi:10.1037/a0026921   How to Cite This Blog Article:   Shinn. M.M. (2019). How Do I Prepare My Child for a New Sibling?  Psychologically Speaking.  [Variations Psychology blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.variationspsychology.com/test-blog/how-do-i-prepare-my-child-for-a-new-sibling

“How do I prepare my child for a new sibling?”

Finding out you’re having a new baby is exciting – but it can also be scary if you have another kid who would rather watch the news than share their parents with another tiny human! Check out our blog on 8 ways to prepare your kid for a new sibling.